I’ve never been any good at chatting up girls. I’ve discovered it’s something you can either do or you can’t – and, if you can’t, you’re always meeting the blokes that can.
Some of my friends are fantastic – they never fail. One of them will walk into a bar, stroll up to a girl. “ Hullo there,” he says. “What are you doing here?”
The girl will go weak at the knees and giggle. “ Waiting for someone like you”.
I tried that approach. “ Hullo there,” I said. “ What are you doing here?”
“ Avoiding creeps like you”.
But I kept trying. A friend gave me a book called How to Score at a Party, and I learnt that basically what you have to do is go round and grin at everybody. Eventually you’ve got to get lucky.
So I went to this party and grinned solidly for four hours.
“ Hi, there... hello there... what are you -” Not a light. Total failure.
I went home that night and, when I looked in the bathroom mirror, I saw I had got this great piece of green cabbage stuck between my front teeth. I’d been walking around all evening with it.
“ Hi, there... hello there”.
GLOSSARY
blokes – a man (informal)
hullo – hello
giggle – to laugh in a nervous or childish way
grin – to smile, a big smile
“Avoiding creeps like you”, means that the girl
