Different ways of talking
Both Joy and Tommy are growing up in the culture of the United States. They are learning what it means to be a girl and a boy in this culture. Their sex at birth, female or male, is now becoming a gender – a way of thinking, speaking, and acting that is considered feminine or masculine. Each culture has its own way of defining gender, and very early in life gender becomes a basic part of a person’s identity.
In the United States and Canada, boys and girls usually play in the same sex groups. Boys play in large groups in which every boy knows his place.
Some are leaders; others are followers. Many boys like to get attention by boasting, or talking how well they can do things.
Girls, on the other hand, usually play in smaller groups. They may be interested in playing fairly and taking turns. For example, when jumping rope, the rope-holders always take their turn jumping.
Dr.Tannen, a professor at Georgetown University, has found that these differences are reflected in the ways that children use language while they play. Boys often use commands when they talk to each other while girls use the form “let’s” when they want to express their preferences, emphasizing the fact that all of them belong to the same group.
These differences seem to be part of growing up in the culture of the United States. If men and women can understand that many of their differences are cultural, not personal, they may be able to improve their relationships and understand that there is more than one way to communicate.
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